Monthly Archives: February 2013

The Sporting Muse: The New Jersey Sports Fan Hits the Sh*t

The following  feature interview   originally appeared in the February 2013 issue of NJ Wag, published out of Red Bank, New Jersey- Monmouth County.

The Sporting Muse
The New Jersey Sports Fan Hits the Sh*t
by Heidi Pope Werner

Love the games, but hate the $10 dollar watered-down stadium beer? Been busted in a Tebow Jets jersey lately? The New Jersey Sports Fan feels your pain. Armed with attitude and comedic cracks at sports fans in the Garden State, this Jersey Shore native takes to the road to find the best and worst from Soho to Seaside.

Memorable games and plays remain in the history books, but who remembers the fans?  Enter The New Jersey Sports Fan, the man known for his love of New Jersey and the sports that go with the territory.

Armed with a video camera, sunglasses and a Jets hat, this crude and rude fan rants and raves on his days off about the love of his life- sports. Not much can tear him away from the field, the track or the arena.  This is the story of the guts and glory of the average hard-working Jersey guy.

Despite his busy shooting schedule, the Jersey Sports Fan took time out to sit down with NJ Wag to talk sports, celebrities and snacks:

So who are your teams?
JETS, METS, RANGERS, KNICKS

What do you have to say about your beloved Jets?

Ya know the worst storm in history hit the Jersey Shore and the Jets
have managed to be a bigger F-ing disaster.  This season made me sick.
Literally, week 13 I became very ill.  Pneumonia, shitting my pants,
the works. The doc said that I was suffering from emotional trauma.
It was true.  They did me in.  I’m glad to be into the winter.  I pray
the Knicks and Rangers make me forget the Fall.

Best game day munchies?

On a big game day I start with around 4-6 coffees and a porkroll egg
and cheese. Four hours before kick off, tipoff, puck drop, or first
pitch, I like to get into some cold ones, and I match the suds with a
few dogs.  I usually have 4 beverages for each tube steak.  I usually
do around 8 tube steaks before the game.  You do the math sweetheart.

What team do you hate the most?

I truly despise the Phillies.  One time I went to a Phillies/Mets
game down in Philly. It was when the Mets had Pedro Martinez.  He got
lit up in the first inning.  Naturally I was very upset and had some
choice words for Phillies fans around me.   Long story short those
Philly creeps put me in the hospital for 3 days just because I made a
comparison between their city and a toilet in an all you can eat
Chinese buffet.

Do you listen to sports radio?

Oh yea.  I’ve logged a lot of hours with Mike Francesa.  He can be
like a prophet at times.  Lately half of his commentary is just his
fat ass breathing heavily into the mic.  He’s a pig, but I still
listen.  I’ll always listen.

Best word of advice form a sports celeb?
Nothing gets the crowd going better than a good fight and beer.

Describe your perfect sports outing?

WOW that’s tough….It would probably start in a hot tub with some of
the girls that work at Fantasies out on 36.  Maybe catch a matinee at
the Garden and get a Jets playoff night game.  But Lord knows that
won’t happen.  I am sick of fantasizing about stuff like this.  All
I need is some wins and teams to be proud of.  Ya know being a Fan can
hurt.  It can hurt so bad you forget what it’s all about.   It’s about
drinking, screaming, and showing your kid how to act like a man at a
special event.  Maybe if you’re lucky you can beat up a Phillies fan
while you’re at it.

Are you married?

Married to what?  I am married to my teams.  I have found that
marriage and I don’t mix well.  I prefer to date dancers that don’t
ask many questions.

Best Bruce encounter?

One time I saw the boss late night in the Windmill.  He was solo so I
took a seat next to him.  I noticed he didn’t have Kraut on his dog.
This was upsetting for me because the Windmill has great kraut and his
dog looked naked without a kraut dress on it.  So I said to him “Let
me put some kraut on your dog for you” he said, “don’t touch my dog
man.” I said “trust me Bruce just trust me.” He said alright.  He
loved the dog dressed with kraut.   He still calls me when he is in town.
Love that guy.

The laughter and inspiration behind the videos are hidden gems of a satirical sideline fan and the frustrations most sports lovers face. Every video stems from a situation we all have found ourselves in at one time or another, and that’s what makes the viewpoint priceless.

In “Dreams Do Come True,” the New Jersey Sports Fan says it best, “Hello New Jersey, I feel much more comfortable,” as he heads to the Meadowlands with The Boss blaring on the radio.

Can’t get the Rangers game on TV?  NJ Sports Fan takes on the multi-million dollar renovation of Madison Square Garden in “MSG vs. Time Warner Cable.” He hits NJ Transit and lands at the Garden for an experimental field trip, because he can’t get the game on cable.  If you have an extra ticket to the game, please contact the New Jersey Sports Fan.

Ever thought of working in sports?  Yep, he has too. “Referee Replacement Rep Application” takes him to the field to get a fall gig in the NFL, a dream job he feels he is qualified to fill.  The wealth of material from experience, talent, and the dedication to take the hardcore to hilarious reminds us all to keep trying, even if it is painful, futile, but ultimately fun.

The videos stem from characters he and the crew grew up with around the neighborhood and eccentric fans he has met along the way. Everyone remembers the dad on the block who got mad at the lawn mower on a quiet Sunday afternoon, or the golfer with the brown and orange plaid pants, but New Jersey Sports Fan wants you to remember the classic characters we know and can’t forget because of their absurdity.

A must watch for any New Jerseyan is the now historical June 2011 stroll through Seaside Heights reminiscing about teenage dreams on the Jersey Shore in “Summer in Seaside.” The sights and sounds of the boardwalk and the commentary on the Bennies classify this as the real deal. Sports website, Bleacher Report, called this “A true classic.”

Closer to home, “Just in Time for Preakness,” takes the Jersey Sports Fan to Monmouth Park. Sporting the obligatory denim jacket over the tank-top, while smoking a stogie, he utters the words that best fit the moment “make me wiser my friend..be a buddy and bud me up.”

“Breaking the Barrier,” brings new meaning to women’s lib.  Explore how three dudes could portray a relationship faux paus not discussed in most circles, and simplify the message beyond expectations.  Share this video with someone you love.

Based out of Bernie Hatefield Productions, the crew of three takes their stories and love of sports to a new level of comedic bromance.  Every person, every place and every event is fair game to be reworked and remembered in the twisted viewpoints of some sports guys, but it’s truthfully local and contagiously continental.  Jersey jargon is included in the way only brash jersey boys can dish.

Follow the Jersey Sports fan and Bernie Hatefield productions on their website http://www.berniehatefield.com, Twitter https://twitter.com/BernieHatefield, Brobible.com and of course, You Tube.

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